Great People :)

Probably I took my Physics lecturer's words about independence a bit too literally. It was my first year of JEE preparation when I was very afraid to look into the eyes of my Physics lecturer (SMK sir) . As is the case with many people intrigued by the mystery and beauty of Physics, I had too many questions the answers for which did not exist- or so did I feel. SMK sir did not entertain too many questions. His idea was that the student should clarify his doubts himself instead of being spoon fed by others. He insisted that the student should develop a sense of independence given the novelty of JEE questions each year. He may clarify a 1000 doubts but the paper will give rise to a 1001th doubt. I was too afraid of SMK sir that I took his suggestions a bit too literally.

I started believing in independence of thought. I started making decisions of my own. Much of my JEE prep had been rebellious. Never did I care about the institutes' examinations, I prepared on my own and cared only about what I felt about my performance rather than what others felt. I was a frequent visitor to the principal's office, thanks to my inconsistent performance (highest in physics, least in chemistry one week and other way round the next week). Nothing could influence the way I thought or the decisions I made. The result was encouraging (a result of randomness, may be) !

My independence gradually grew into stubbornness. I became independent to the extent to ignoring suggestions from others even if they sounded to be in my best interest. I guess my idea was to avoid blaming others if things go wrong. If I acted upon my own decisions, there would be accountability and only one person to be blamed.

I was supposed to follow my heart. Instead, I started following my fear. My actions were motivated by fear of failure and I gradually became a prisoner of uncertainty. Too much independence started becoming a burden but I could not realize the problem. I started thinking too much. I did get useful suggestions from others but I programmed myself to listen only to myself.

In such circumstances, I happened to meet some great people, who made me feel very comfortable. Talking to them was like getting a huge burden off your shoulders, like cool breeze reaching your heart directly :)

How much ever independent we may wish to become, I think we should be in touch with good people. Good company makes a lot of difference. It makes sense to put any amount of effort to spend a little time with friends and seniors who make you feel better. Profound, sincere and heartfelt thanks to the few good people who have been making me feel a lot better over the past few days ! :)